Decided

Talking to audrey is indeed enlightening. she made me realise that i haven't been doing proper ministry work for some time, mostly just 'getting by' and not really being proactive abt things. she said that although we are meeting once a week to share abt stuff, she felt that we are not really journeying together, and upon reflection i agree with her. i, for my part, am not really journeying with anyone in my group except perhaps cBear. and a little bit of is-is. but that's it, u know. i'm not even stepping up to facilitate the group sharing. i know i found it too taxing on me, but perhaps now it's a matter of passivity.

today, a little outburst from boss over sms reminded me of my passivity, and i guess it's really time to pick things up and carry them through. have been taking others for granted, and not really working at building ppl up, empowering them or inspiring them. to do all that would need initiative and drive, and i guess after such a long hiatus, i should gear up my engine. :P

and so, i have decided that i will be more active in following-up with ppl, and i will not avoid ppl so much. :P getting into ppl's lives requires such a large leap out of the comfort zone, that it is much easier to stay within. but if i don't, then there is no growth, and i will slowly n surely wilt without a mission.

yesterday i read in the catholic news an article abt this religious priest's vocation story. in it he said that he asked the Lord during his 30-day retreat, if He wants him to be a priest, religious, single or married. and God's answer to him was simply, "It doesn't matter, I love you all the same." and it reminded me of the story of a good friend of mine, who also encountered a similar answer from God. :P  what struck me from that story is the whole God-given freedom which evokes a response of self-giving love. how can i not melt in the face of such a mind-boggling concept? It's like your bf telling you it doesn't matter if you decide not to marry him in the end, he loves you anyway and will not find another.

i find that kind of love, rather irresistable. :)

that's Jesus, by the way :P